What Team Has A Play Call Named After Zyn Pouches?

Hello, and welcome to your Wednesday FOIAbites.

Today we’re talking about Zyn. You know it, you probably love it. You may even have one in your mouth right now.

Gonna guess my readership leans Citrus. Three milligrams.

Lemme know if I’m right. I think I am.

Zyns are clogging up toilets, appearing in playbooks

I have a theory. It’s not really backed by evidence, but I doubt anyone is gonna call me a heretic after they hear it.

I think the gums of every single college football coaching staff are stuffed to the gills with nicotine pouches.

Those are jobs that demand focus, energy, and long hours, and the positions are filled by the kind of men (basically any man 18-55) who are the product’s power users.

And while I have no problem with the prevalence of Zyn these days, I’m really grossed out by all the men (men 18-55) who spit their used pouches into urinals.

Go into any rest stop or stadium bathroom in the past two years, and you’ll find the porcelain littered with Zyns, sitting atop neon orange urinal cakes or floating in pools of… it’s disgusting.

There are trash cans. The pouches dissolve into nothing if you aren’t so impatient. You know how a urinal works. It isn’t a toilet. You can see before you spit if it will flush.

This, more than people watching TikToks with sound on in the subway, is my proof the societal contract ain’t coming back.

It also made me think that things in college locker rooms were even worse.